He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
