Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
