I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
