weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
