allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize