I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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