Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
