the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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