somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
