The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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