i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
