great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
