I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize