so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
