there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
