If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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