I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
