I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
