Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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