Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
