Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
