Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
