plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
