worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
