There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize