OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
