I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
