im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
