It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
