my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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