There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
