I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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