In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We are all done wearing pants today
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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