i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize