Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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