she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
