Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
