it's like iHOP with fire
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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