I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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