you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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