He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
