Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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