he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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