Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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