Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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