my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
