how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
