you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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