So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
