please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
