booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
