Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
