I'm really into asian looking animals
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
