Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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