Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
