I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize