Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize