I just saw a hot homeless man
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
