i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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