This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
