I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
