PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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