Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
