Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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