Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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