i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize