He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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