Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
