Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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