I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
