she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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