So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
