i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
