i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
