Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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