my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
