you turned your livingroom into a bong?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
