I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
