well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
