what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
