Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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