I just saw a hot homeless man
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
