Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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