Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
